Thursday, January 31, 2008

Three Open Hands

This was a strange week.

Three times this week, people that I like and genuinely care about, absolutely independant of each other, came to me with open hands to say, "I'm not creating art right now. I haven't in a good long while. I really want to be. Can you help me make something happen?"

I wanted to. In all three conversations, I really wanted to. All three of them are talented, clever improvisers. Any team with a clue, would be happy to have them. And yet, for whatever reason, they're not working right now. I wanted to help them all.

But the truth is, I don't have any juice anymore. No actual authority to make anything happen for them. Maybe a few years ago, when I had a title at The Playground. A job with responsibilities and a seat at the big table, maybe then.

But things have changed.

I'm outside the loop and I don't hear the scuttlebutt anymore. (I not-so-secretly suspect that there's not much scuttlebutt to actually hear, anyways.)

I honestly don't know what's going on at the theater anymore. I don't go see shows unless I'm playing. Watching other people improvise poorly makes me physically angry. I keep forgetting why exactly, I don't just stand up and say, "This is fucking terrible. You're all out there imitating the way that you've seen people improvise at IO. Badly! Why don't you do something ANYTHING original?!?" I sit in the audience and I want to scream at the people that I see improvising on the stage. I know that there's a reason why I'm not supposed to scream at them from the audience, but I don't know what that reason is anymore.

Nowadays, I don't scream at them because I've excused myself to step out back and wait until the show is over.

Which is less a statement about how intolerant I am and more a statement of how bad things are on that stage.

It's distressing to know these fine, talented performers are out there, hoping that someone will give them a chance, give them a stage to make their art on and also to know that A.) what they're aspiring to, isn't what they think it will be and B.) I can't help them get it, even if I want to.

The whole situation is pretty fucked up and sad.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Nudity Show.

I just had this conversation on the phone with one of our patrons. An older gentleman. The kind of person who likes to call theaters and complain about things that he doesn't like or understand.

Me: Thank you for calling BLAHBLAHTHEATER. HowcanIhelpyou?

Him: Yes. I...um...just received your theater newsletter and the next...um...show is A SHOW TITLE, is that correct?

Me: Yes, it is.

Him: Well, I can't help but notice that...um... there is a nude woman on the poster. Have you seen that?

Me: Yes, I have.

Him: Well, am I to take it to mean that there is nudity in this particular show?

Me: Yes, I think that there is. I haven't actually seen the show yet. It's still in previews, but I understand that there is, indeed, nudity in the show.

Him: Female nudity?

Me: Yes.

Him: Do you know if there is male nudity too?

Me: I don't believe that there is.

A Pause. (And I am thinking, "Well, here's when he unloads on me." This is probably a crazy, religious person who is going to go nuts about the nudity.")

Him: Okay. Well, I think then I would like to get a ticket.

Me: Would you like me to connect you with the Box Office?

Him: Oh, not yet. I need to check my calendar. I will call back. Can I still park in the Children's Hospital lot?

Me: Yes, you can.

Him: Thank you, you've been very helpful today.

And we hang up.


NOT how I thought that conversation was going to go at all.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The Leader Of The Rats.

HOLY BALLS!

I just talked on the phone with the guy who did the voice of JUSTIN in the 1982 Ralph Bakshi film "The Secret of NIMH!"



HOLY SHIT!

That was one of those movies that I saw a million times as a kid and was fascinated with.

My dad took me to see it at the movie theaters in Louisville, KY. When I got home, I was CONVINCED that it was all real. I drove my bike around the apartment complex, whispering "Mrs.Brisby? Justin? I know you guys are there somewhere. It's okay. You can talk to me. I won't hurt you." Of course, I never saw them, but I was that much on board with their VERY REAL existence.

I am connected to that movie with a DEEPLY woven string of nostalgia. It's in my DVD collection, right now.

And I just heard Justin's voice on the phone, asking to speak to my boss.

THAT WAS INCREDIBLE!

If he comes here to do a play, I am TOTALLY going to ask him to do a few lines from that movie. As it turns out, he's a big fan of the movie too. He named his only son, Justin, after the part.

"Friends, tonight we journey to Thorn Valley. We'll leave no tracks, no evidence that the rats of NIMH ever existed."



Cheers,
Mr.B

Prepare to Be Amazed!!!

You're bored.

You're at work and you're sick of doing your dumb job and you're just aching for something.... magical.

Say no more.

I have just the thing that you need.

Howzabout Jason Latimer, THE LASER MAGICIAN?!?



Not cool enough for you?

Well, how about some CUTTING EDGE MAGIC?!?



And now?

Now you are amazed.

You're welcome.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Monday, January 28, 2008

Chris Nolan on Heath Ledger.

So, actor Heath Ledger died last week.

I honestly didn't care. And I still don't. I'm not a big fan of his work. And honestly, actors killing themselves with narcotics doesn't penetrate too much into my world. They're actors. That's what they do. The weaker ones do, anyways.

But then I read this article by Chris Nolan. Written for Newsweek. And I actually felt sadness about Ledger's death. Or really, I felt more empathy for Nolan's loss. I feel sad that Chris Nolan lost someone who meant so much to him.

Here's what he wrote...

Best known for his haunting, Oscar-nominated performance as Ennis Del Mar, one of the gay cowboys in 2005 ' s "Brokeback Mountain," Ledger was a massive young talent on the cusp of greatness when he died last week in New York. The native Australian, who is survived by his 2-year-old daughter, Matilda, had recently finished work on this summer's "Batman" sequel, "The Dark Knight," in which he plays a villain, the Joker. Christopher Nolan, the film's director, shared these memories:

One night, as I'm standing on LaSalle Street in Chicago, trying to line up a shot for "The Dark Knight," a production assistant skateboards into my line of sight. Silently, I curse the moment that Heath first skated onto our set in full character makeup. I'd fretted about the reaction of Batman fans to a skateboarding Joker, but the actual result was a proliferation of skateboards among the younger crew members. If you'd asked those kids why they had chosen to bring their boards to work, they would have answered honestly that they didn't know. That's real charisma—as invisible and natural as gravity. That's what Heath had.

Heath was bursting with creativity. It was in his every gesture. He once told me that he liked to wait between jobs until he was creatively hungry. Until he needed it again. He brought that attitude to our set every day. There aren't many actors who can make you feel ashamed of how often you complain about doing the best job in the world. Heath was one of them.

One time he and another actor were shooting a complex scene. We had two days to shoot it, and at the end of the first day, they'd really found something and Heath was worried that he might not have it if we stopped. He wanted to carry on and finish. It's tough to ask the crew to work late when we all know there's plenty of time to finish the next day. But everyone seemed to understand that Heath had something special and that we had to capture it before it disappeared. Months later, I learned that as Heath left the set that night, he quietly thanked each crew member for working late. Quietly. Not trying to make a point, just grateful for the chance to create that they'd given him.

Those nights on the streets of Chicago were filled with stunts. These can be boring times for an actor, but Heath was fascinated, eagerly accepting our invitation to ride in the camera car as we chased vehicles through movie traffic—not just for the thrill ride, but to be a part of it. Of everything. He'd brought his laptop along in the car, and we had a high-speed screening of two of his works-in-progress: short films he'd made that were exciting and haunting. Their exuberance made me feel jaded and leaden. I've never felt as old as I did watching Heath explore his talents. That night I made him an offer—knowing he wouldn't take me up on it—that he should feel free to come by the set when he had a night off so he could see what we were up to.

When you get into the edit suite after shooting a movie, you feel a responsibility to an actor who has trusted you, and Heath gave us everything. As we started my cut, I would wonder about each take we chose, each trim we made. I would visualize the screening where we'd have to show him the finished film—sitting three or four rows behind him, watching the movements of his head for clues to what he was thinking about what we'd done with all that he'd given us. Now that screening will never be real. I see him every day in my edit suite. I study his face, his voice. And I miss him terribly.

Back on LaSalle Street, I turn to my assistant director and I tell him to clear the skateboarding kid out of my line of sight when I realize—it's Heath, woolly hat pulled low over his eyes, here on his night off to take me up on my offer. I can't help but smile.

© 2008 Newsweek, Inc.

News Flash: Brazilian Carnival Star Eyes Plastic Surgery World Record, Also Is Crazy Person.

Just saw this interesting little tid-bit over on AOL news...

Brazil Carnival Star Eyes Surgery Record
By PETER MUELLO,AP

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Jan. 27) - Brazilian model Angela Bismarchi will dance nearly nude ahead of a 300-person drum corps in next month's Carnival parade, hoping her sculpted beauty as a "percussion queen" will lead her samba group to the championship.


Ricardo Moraes, AP Guinness

Angela Bismarchi, 36, is hoping to set the world record for most plastic surgeries. The Brazilian model has had 42 operations, making her a celebrity in her home country.

But she has another goal in mind as well.

In preparation for Rio's five-day Carnival blowout in February, she's having her 42nd plastic surgery - closing in on the Guinness World Record of 47 surgical procedures held by 52-year-old American Cindy Jackson, who calls herself a "Living Doll" and now promotes her own skincare line.

"I always was vain," Bismarchi, 36, acknowledges at the medical clinic near Rio where her plastic surgeon husband has operated on her 10 times. "And for carnival, you have to feel especially pretty."

Just days before Brazil's Feb. 2-6 carnival begins, Bismarchi will have nylon wires implanted in her eyes to give them an Asian slant, in line with this year's theme of her samba group, Porto da Pedra: the centennial of Japanese immigration to Brazil.

Bismarchi's unabashed passion for plastic surgery has made her a celebrity in this image-mad country, where even the poor get surgical enhancements on the installment plan. Brazilians see no shame in touching up their bodies, which are routinely exposed at carnival and flaunted on the beach in thong bikinis so tiny they're called "dental floss."

Born poor in Rio, Bismarchi had her first cosmetic surgery in 1992 after her daughter was born. She was just 21, but said she was depressed after nursing caused her breasts to sag. So she had them lifted, adored the results, and became so fascinated with cosmetic surgery that her next two husbands were plastic surgeons.

"I put in a prosthesis and loved it. I was beautiful and sensual again," Bismarchi said, a striking figure at 6 feet - taller in white high heels - with long blond hair flowing over her white minidress.

Carnival has a special place in Bismarchi's career.

She first made headlines in 2000, when police tried to arrest her after she paraded partly nude with the Brazilian flag painted on her body.

"I became famous all over," she said. "The power of carnival is amazing."

Two years later, she paraded with the face of President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva painted across her exposed body. Police released her after she explained it was a gesture to Silva's anti-hunger program.

A wardrobe malfunction at last year's carnival put Bismarchi back in the news - when her G-string broke and dangled from her waist, Porto da Pedra was threatened with a penalty for total nudity, forbidden under parade rules. But the resourceful Bismarchi hid from the judges behind the drum section, changed her tiny "sex cover" and finished the parade.

Today, Bismarchi promotes an exclusive line of sexy lingerie, gives beauty tips and responds to the 500 to 700 letters and e-mails she receives each day. To care for her famous figure, she does two and a half hours of exercise daily, takes dance lessons and spends hours tanning on the beach.

"I consider myself quite timid. I'm just a little girl grown big," she said. "I never imagined I would be famous. Things just happened."


Yes, the power of carnival IS amazing.

Also, you are a fucking crazy person.

Lord Have Mercy.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Peep My New Weather Widget.

I was just thinking today that I would SURELY love to have a weather widget in my blog's sidebar today. It was fucking cold today and although you didn't need a weather widget to tell that, it sure would be handy to look forward a few days and be able to scope out the weather forecast when you're here, checking up on "Word", wouldn't it?

So, I got home and googled "weather widget for blog" and five or six entries down, I found this cool-ass, highly customizable weather widget.



It's EXACTLY what I was looking for. If you scroll down right now, you'll see it as the next to last entry on my sidebar, just above the pocket watch that I left out for you.

The real beauty of this widget is that it's so customizable, you can get it to look EXACTLY how you want it to look. I set mine up to NOT have a searchable window in it. (All we care about is Chicago weather, right?) to shrunk it down to fit in the Blogger sidebar (the original layout was WAY to wide to fit there neatly). I also tweaked it to even bost the "Word" background color (cornsilk) to blend right it.

Fucking sweet, eh?

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "I love that. It's fried gold! How do I get that up in my sidebar?"

Well, I'll tell you. And it's a pretty cheap price that you have to pay to get this information. For what I'm about to lay on you, you have to do one thing and one thing alone.

AFTER YOU INSTALL YOUR WEATHER WIDGET ON YOUR BLOG, POST A SINGLE BLOG ENTRY THAT SAYS , AT LEAST, THIS MUCH "THANK YOU, MR.B" AND THEN LINK THEM BACK TO THIS ENTRY. YOU CAN SAY MORE IF YOU WANT TO, BUT THE MINIMUM THAT YOU HAVE TO SAY IS "THANK YOU, MR.B".

Because it's polite to thank the nice people who give you shit for free.

You can even use this web address to link people back to this explanatory blog entry.
http://-word-.blogspot.com/2008/01/peep-my-new-weather-widget.html

Now that we have the messy business of the admission price out of the way, let's get down to the brass tacks of getting that installed in your sidebar. (I regret that I only know how to give instructions to people using Blogger. If you're a LiveJournal or MySpace blogger, some of this will be useless to you. In that case, fuck around with this first part until you get the same results. You're a big kid. You can figure this stuff out. I did and I only have a standard Kentucky education. Which is only better than being educated by a troop of wild chimps.)

If you know all of this, skip ahead to STEP TWO.

STEP ONE: LEARN HOW TO INSTALL AN HTML WIDGET IN YOUR SIDEBAR.

To do this, go to www.blogger.com/home. You might have to login. But once you do, you're looking at your blogs' dashboard. Select "Manage: Layout". Select "Add a Page Element". A window will pop up. There, you should Select "HTML/Javascript". When you finish editing your individual Weather Widget, paste the code for it here and SAVE. BLAMMO! You now have a Weather Widget of your own.

But before you can, you need to Create Your Own Weather Widget.

STEP TWO: CREATE YOUR OWN WEATHER WIDGET.

To begin this process, go to this website. (Megaprops to the good folks of Ibegin for creating this lovely weather widget. You guys rule.)
Enter "Chicago, IL" in the select a location box. Hit Enter.
Now you're looking at the "Customize Your Widget Page". Deselect stuff to see the changes that you can make to the widget, itself.

If you change a numerical value on the page and hit "Enter", the example widget will adjust to show your changes.
Here are the changes that I made to mine...
-Smaller size to fit on my blog sidebar. I had to make mine 130 width to fit.
-Smaller font size. Once I got it thin enough, I had to change the font size to 9.5 to make it line up properly in the example.
-Increased border line thickness to 3. (I think it looks better that way.)
-Got rid of "link back to Ibegin" and "Search bar". Because I wanted to.

I also changed the color of the background from white to cornsilk. The background uses a 6 letter/number code to tell it which color to use. This type of "color code" is called "hexadecimal color code". The cheat sheet that I used to get the code for "cornsilk" the color of my widget was found on this website. Feel free to experiment with colors until it looks the way that you want it to.

When you get that part set, select all of the text in the "Copy This Text To Your Blog" box (Ctrl + C) and then go to the "Edit HTML/Javascript" in your blog layout and paste that code in (Ctrl + V). Hit SAVE. Then go "VIEW BLOG" to see your handywork.

Be sure to keep the window with the editable code for your widget open until you've checked it in the blog itself. It's an easy enough gig to tinker with it some more and re-copy the text into your blog, updating it over and over until it's just what you want. (I had to re-post mine 5 or 6 times - getting it thin enough to fit on my blog was my main problem.)

Once it looks EXACTLY like what you want it to look like, close the window, hit save and you're rocking and rolling the weather... for free... to your readers.

See?

Saying "Thank You, Mr.B" is a small price to pay for all of that helpful information, isn't it?

Cheers,
Mr.B

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Last Night, My Girlfriend "Clocked" Me.

Last night, Lisa gave me the birthday present that she's been sitting on for a month now. Things have improved between us to the point where she felt comfortable giving it to me. This is what she gave me...



According to this website, it's called a Bevel Gear Wall Clock. (Apparently it was visible on the set of Will & Grace. I had no idea. Never seen the show.)

Here's the backstory on this.

Over Christmas, Lisa and my mom and I were shopping in a boutique in Louisville, Ky. We were there more because mom and Lisa wanted to check it out. I can't remember what it was called. There wasn't really anything in there that interested me.
Except this wall clock.
First off, it's big. About the size of a car tire. The central gear is large. And the smaller gears are constantly, silently whirring away. The gear also turns in a lockwise manner. Where the center motor is located on the gear denotes the time. (In the picture above, it's almost 10:30. AM or PM. Your pick.)
I checked the price on it and it was $80. And while that was very doable, it was an extraneous expense that I didn't want to take on for myself. Lisa saw me standing there, looking at it and checking out the pricetag and made a note to herself about it.

During the holiday, Lisa got with my mom and told her that she was planning on buying it for my birthday. Mom located the phone number for the boutique and Lisa called them and discussed shipping the clock to Chicago. Lisa had a friend receive the package and then sat on it for a month or so, until my birthday.

I was really moved when she gave it to me. I told her that it was extraordinarily kind of her. And it was. It was very thoughtful of her to take note of a fancy that I had for something that I liked, but would never buy for myself. She did some serious detective work, tracked the item down and procured it for me. That level of awareness of my likes and dislikes is so very considerate of her. She's wonderful.

I'm very lucky to have her in my life.

Not just for clocks and kisses and radio interviews, but because we all should have someone in our lives who cares that much about our happiness.

She's wonderful.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Prison Thriller

Every Halloween, at least once comedy show here in town concludes their wacky, "Haunted Hijinx" show with the entire cast breaking out in the "zombie dance" sequence from Michael Jackson's Thriller.

Well, guess what, bitches, you've been trumped.

Time to find a different ending to your "wacky" Halloween shows.



A quick Wikipedia search reveals the backstory on how you get 1,500 accused murderers, thieves and rapists to do a tightly choreographed dance sequence.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Monday, January 21, 2008

Zombie Boy Likes Turtles.

I just saw this clip via the "Best of Youtube" podcast. It made me laugh so hard that I nearly cried. I watched it three times in a row.

Check it out...



That is Freaking hilarious. I love the news reporters obvious discomfort. She barely recovers from the interview.

Now, with any Youtube sensation, there are bound to be countless video remixes.

This remix of the video pits Zombie Boy against an antagonistic Bill O' Reilly.



And here's a nice, little news expose about this kid from the same news station taht encountered him for the first time. Looks like his mom, dad and family are taking his new found fame in stride!



I think I might have to get one of those t-shirts.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Sunday, January 20, 2008

2008 Birthday Recap.

Friday, January 18th at The Town Hall Pub. 8:30pm - 2:30pm.

I estimate that I drank 6 - 8 Cape Cods (doubles). Every time someone would buy them for me, I would say, "You know... the bartender who introduced this to me said that it's what Frank Sinatra would drink. If it's good enough for Frank, It's good enough for me." I would easily bet that I said that to the same people over and over again, immediately forgetting that I'd just said that. Witnesses can confirm or deny this.



On top of those Cape Cods, I suspect that I probably had 12 or more shots.



I remember the first two with Hendo at the start of the evening.
Then the tequila shot with the Deejay.
Then the whiskey shot with Laflamboy.
Chip and I did a shot that Hendo peer-pressured him into doing with me.
Rob Disney bought me a shot too.
Hendo bought two more shots of Tullamore Dew while we were all crowded over by the door.
I did two shots of Grey Goose vodka with Hendo and other rowdies on my tab.
Then there was the two shots that I did, because whoever was supposed to do the other one with me, wandered away. So I did their shot for them, whoever they were, in a toast to their good health.
Finally, there was the last toast of the night between me and Hendo. Greg knows the one that I mean.

That's thirteen shots right there. Those are the ones that I remember.

I did not get my ass kicked by a dominatrix this year. But I did get slapped in the balls by Hendo three times (until a shaky truce was called shortly thereafter - after I kicked him in the balls). Later, he bit Greg on the head and slapped me so much and so often that I couldn't defend myself. I curled up in a ball, leaning against the bar and waited out the storm. I guess it should be mentioned that for all of the shots that I did, Hendo was there for nearly all of them. So, he got pretty tore up too.

I'll always remember that 2008 was also my "Tough guy" birthday, too. Earlier in the evening, while running an errand for work, I found this little temporary tattoo dispenser at the grocery store. I had a few bucks worth of quarters on me and bought 6 or 7 temporary tatoos, with the intention of giving them my friends to wear.

I got the one with the skulls on it. (You can't see it clearly in the picture, but the ribbon draped over them indicates that these skulls, niether speak, hear or see evil. That's pretty tough, right?)



Hendo and Kyle showed "big ups to Jesus" with their crosses. Please note that there's a demonic dragon under their crosses.



Hendo also too the "Devil Girl" tattoo, but didn't wear it somewhere where everyone could see it. So, it was his dirty little secret all night long.



Ryan sported the "Motorcycle Girl" tattoo and in a bit of inspired meta-tattooing, put it on his actual tattoo.



Greg fucked up the "tiger eyes" tattoo on his forehead. It did not work. So, he ended up with the "tramp stamp" in his cleavage. Hot.



Yes, we looked like very tough guys.



So many really wonderful people braved the bitterly cold night to come out and raise a glass with me. Here's a little photo gallery of the good folks that I saw.


This is one of those hastily produced panorama shots of the people sitting at the table in front of me. In this pic, Greg is trying on Noah's babushka hat to the delight of all. This is also a nice shot of Kyle's bad ass tattoo.


This is the same table, about twenty minutes later. People look vaguely annoyed because it's the second time that I took this picture. The first one was without a flash and was too dark to use. So, I had them hold the pose for a second, whilst I fixed the flash and then shot it in their faces without any warning. Noah's face says it all.



Almost all of my lovely ladies from the BBR came out for my birthday and that was really wonderful. This is "Miss Pixie". This pic was taken moment after a big hug. I don't think we've seen each other since the Christmas show ended. She's good people.



Speaking of good people, that's another Bombshell and her beau. I caught this picture of them as they were making their escape from the shenanigans. Bryan's smile looks less maniacal this year. (See last year's birthday post to see what I am talking about.)


Amanda, Me and The Blue Elephant. The blue elephant was Amanda's birthday present to me. I am sorry to say that some degenerate stole the blue elephant from me, during the course of the evening. A frantic search at the end of the night did not reveal it's whereabouts.
I suspect that Hendo fucked the blue elephant in the restroom and had Greg take pictures of it. I can't prove that. But that's my story until proven otherwise.
This picture is the only photographic evidence that the blue elephant or existed. Before meeting a horrible end in Hendo's pants.


Speaking of degenerates, there he is. Peeking in on me and Sayj. I bet he's thinking about sodomizing that Blue elephant right after this pic is over. The bastard.


Me, Mo and Jamie. Jamie doesn't like to have his picture taken. But he conceded for my birthday. He says that he always looks so stern in pictures. I don't know what he's talking about.


Senor Frymire in a moment of quiet repose. Dennis snuck into the party quietly and walked up to me, holding one of the 6 or 7 cape cods. No questions asked. He showed up ready to go. That's a stand up guy, right there.


The back of a Barbera and a shot of "Mr. Johnnypants" sleeping at the bar. (See Hendo's comments below for the Mr. Johnnypants reference.) No shit, that dude was so drunk, he was sleeping at the bar. Saw it a few times.

MORE PICTURES AND STORIES TO COME!
I JUST NEED SOME TIME TO POST THEM!
CHECK BACK HERE TO SEE MORE PICS SOON!

HERE ARE SOME OF THE STORIES THAT I PLAN TO DROP HERE...

What Happened Between Adam and The Taiwanese Hooker. (An Epic Story)

What Happened to Cousin Rob.

How I Came To See Cloverfield.

What Happened Between Me and Lisa.

All good stories. All epic, to be sure. Look for them to get dropped here over the next few days!

Cheers,
Mr.B

PS. To the Birthday Party Tough Guys, John Laflamboy wants to host a Poker Night at his house for us. John has my old Poker Table and he's dying to break it out. I need to pick a Saturday afternoon and evening to make it happen. We'll want many, many hours to play over at his place. Look for that email to come soon.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Messages In Bottles

I didn't feel like working today.

My boss was gone for most of the day and my office mate was out. Every time I started a project, the phone would ring or the copier toner guy showed up or someone would come to my office, looking for something. Try as I might, I couldn't get a single task through to completion.

Even lunch was fucked as a group of local high school kids descended on the America's Dog, right as I was ordering my food. I got my food and found an otherwise empty dining room populated entirely by bookbags at every table. I ate my fries next to he soda dispenser, thinking someone at some table might open up a spot. But nothing did. I walked back to work and ate my wrap at my desk. Nothing got done easily today.

So, I spent some time doing some personal emailing to people. Little notes sent out to various and random people asking for information, or things to be returned or favors to cash. I re-emailed my deejay from last year's birthday party at the Town Hall. I re-emailed Jim looking (yet again) for the long-lost Clutch Jettison tape. I emailed and texted friends to let them know about the Friday night get-together at the Town Hall. I emailed a friend to see if they wanted to get dinner together some time this week.

All good emails. All things that I needed to get done.

But oddly enough, I barely got any responses from anyone.

I don't know if people were also busy today. Or if they looked at my emails and said, "Eh, I'll email that guy back tomorrow." Or if they just deleted them and moved on. Or if I will get a flood of emails in my inbox tomorrow.

As it is now, I sent out all of these little "messages in bottles" to all of these people and who knows when or if I will ever get a response. They might just keep on floating out there, unread, bobbing along on the currents of the internet.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF LITTLE BATMAN!

Mini Adam-West Style Batman?
A Pint-Sized Joker?
A Tiny Batmobile?!?

Holy Shit!

You NEED to check this out.

Megaprops to Ted for linking to this originally.

Enjoy,
Mr.B

(Part 1 of 3)


(Part 2 of 3)


(Part 3 of 3)

A Short Poem about Hendo.

I was just playing around with this online translation program and I decided to write a poem in English and then translate it into a foreign language.

Here's what it came up with...

Hendo будет медведем меда. Он не может держать его руки из honeypot. Если вы пытаетесь отшлепать его, то он не помнит. Он любит оно. Оно делает им усмешку. Hendo будет плохим медведем меда.


I will buy a drink on Friday night to the first person who accurately translates that back into English.

Hint: It's not quite what I originally wrote, but the NEW English translation is loads of fun.)

Enjoy!

Mr.B

News Flash: ACLU okays public bathroom sex! Sweet!

Just saw this news brief (pun intended) posted on MSNBC.com...

Sex in restroom stalls is private, ACLU says
Civil liberties group goes to bat for Sen. Craig
updated 10:38 p.m. CT, Tues., Jan. 15, 2008

ST. PAUL, Minnesota - In a legal effort to help a U.S. senator, the American Civil Liberties Union is arguing that people who have sex in public bathrooms have an expectation of privacy.

Republican Senator Larry Craig is asking the Minnesota Court of Appeals to let him withdraw his guilty plea to disorderly conduct related to a bathroom sex sting at the Minneapolis airport last year.

Craig was arrested by an undercover police officer who said Craig tapped his feet and swiped his hand under a stall divider in a way that signaled he wanted sex. Craig has denied that, saying his actions were misconstrued.

The ACLU filed a brief Tuesday supporting Craig. It cited a Minnesota Supreme Court ruling 38 years ago that found that people who have sex in closed stalls in public restrooms "have a reasonable expectation of privacy."

That means the state cannot prove Craig was inviting the undercover officer to have sex in public, the ACLU wrote.

Even if Craig was inviting the officer to have sex, the ACLU argued, his actions would not be illegal.


So, the end result of Republican Senator Larry Craig (a noted public homophobe and anti-gay rights legislator) trying to wank off a cop is that me and my girlfriend can now fuck like dirty, dirty pigs in the Minnesota Waffle House bathrooms and expect to get away with it, because it's protected by our constitutional rights?

Well, I guess some good came out of this, after all.

For the nasty, nasty things that I fully intend to do in the Minnesota public bathrooms, I would like to thank you the ACLU.

Now, if they'll only go get me a towel. THAT would be "full-service".

Cheers,
Mr.B

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

News Flash: Douglas Bruce is a Scumbag (R).

I saw this article and my first thought was "A Colorado Elected Official kicked a guy? I bet he's a Republican." Read on to see if I was right...

Colorado Lawmaker Kicks Photographer
By STEVEN K. PAULSON,
AP
Posted: 2008-01-15 14:22:16


DENVER (Jan. 15) - Carrying a family Bible, a state representative-elect kicked a photographer who took a picture of him during a statehouse prayer - then was sworn into office.

Douglas Bruce went to the House floor Monday morning as a guest of Rep. Kent Lambert, a fellow Colorado Springs Republican.



Javier Manzano, Rocky Mountain News/Polaris

Colorado state representative Douglas Bruce bows his head in prayer just before kicking a Rocky Mountain News photographer.

When Rocky Mountain News photographer Javier Manzano took his photo during the traditional morning prayer, Bruce, who was standing, brought the sole of his shoe down hard on the photographer's bent knee.

"Don't do that again," Bruce told him.

Later, Bruce refused to apologize."I think that's the most offensive thing I've seen a photographer do in 21 years," he said. "If people are going to cause a disruption during a public prayer, they should be called for it. He owes an apology to the House and the public."

Rocky Mountain News Editor John Temple said the photographer had a right to take Bruce's picture. Temple said he would speak with House leadership.

"The House floor is a place where journalists are allowed to operate. It's outrageous for Mr. Bruce in a public place to assault a photographer," Temple said.

Bruce, an anti-tax crusader, was chosen by El Paso County Republicans last month to fill an unexpired term. He delayed his swearing-in until Monday, when the House was not in session. That allowed him to take advantage of a loophole in state term limits that would allow him to serve eight more years instead of six.

But it irritated Democratic House Speaker Andrew Romanoff, who said Bruce should have taken the oath sooner.

Bruce said he had done nothing wrong and demanded that he be allowed to take the oath of office with the House in session. He finally gave in after members of his own party threatened to start the process of replacing him if he didn't take the oath on Monday.

So, yes, he WAS, indeed a Republican.

What a fucking dirtbag.

And really? Fuck you, Denver Republicans for electing this shit-stain to public office.

He fucking KICKED A GUY, IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING A PRAYER, AND THEN BITCHED ABOUT THE GUY AS IF IT WAS HIS FAULT!!!

I can think of no clearer an example of the Republican Ethos than this - a rich white REPUBLICAN law-maker is literally stepping on a working class minority member, who was just doing his job.

The irony is so thick that you could cut off a big, fat slice of it and cover it with a dollop of cool, creamy "I scream" on top.

Holy Shit. What country do we live in?!?

Seriously, Fuck You, Denver.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Friday, January 18th - Where Ya Gonna Be?!?

Look, emails are coming. You probably have one in your emailbox, right now. But just in case you look here, before you look there, I thought I might drop you a reminder here, about Friday night. So you can mark your calendar NOW in anticipation of coming THEN!

This coming Friday night, January 18th, at 8:30pm, I am meeting you and a few dozen other friends for cocktails at The Town Hall Pub.

You know where that is, right?
3340 N Halsted St

So, mark your calendar. If you're reading this, you're invited. Trust me, you're invited.

Now go check your emailbox and read the Official Invite!

But seriously, leave the night open. (Especially if you want to hit The Green Mill with us for the afterparty at 3am) It should be a blast. As a reminder, here's what happened last year and the year before that!

Cheers,
The Birthday Boy



PS. Before you ask, I'll be turning 33.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Hope, Martin & Gobels on Carson

Hey, remember a few months ago when we stood out back, behind the Playground theater and I was trying to describe the clip to you where Bob Hope, Dean Martin & George Gobels were on Johnny Carson with their beers and cigarettes and Martin started to fuck with Gobels?

Yeah, well, this is what I was talking about.
(Someone finally posted a clip on the Youtube!)

Enjoy,
Mr.B

Today / Tonight / Tomorrow

Today was for...

... fulfilling my bosses expectations.

... helping my intern complete work that would've taken me days and weeks by myself.

... looking ahead at fixing future problems before they ever happen.

... walking to work with a light heart.

Tonight is for...

... listening to "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea".

... quiet time, in an empty apartment, petting Maggie.

... putting down the cell phone, not caring if it rings.

Tomorrow is for...

... a haircut & laundry. Life maintenance stuff.

... finding the book that my boss needs.

... adding three more books to my own improv library.

... paying some bills.

... walking around the city, listening to my personal soundtrack.

Life is good.

Right now, I feel like this.

Friday, January 11, 2008

I love ass.


Shennanigans
Originally uploaded by Trefrog66
Found this photo in Greg's Flickr page.

I forgot that he took this.

This was the VERY LONG DAY that ended up in the Town Hall after a Stinger Dickens show (thus the hat) and then the BBR (thus the intoxication). As I recall, in this picture, we are walking to the car to hitch a ride with Hendo and Megan to go to the Town Hall. I am blitzed.

I remember thinking, "this is a funny thing to write in the snow, late at night, on some strangers car....especially if they see it before it melts away."

I like to imagine the car's owner coming out and reading it...

"I love ass?"

"Goddamn this street!"

Did I mention that we took that on Halsted Street?

It's cool of Greg to blur out my face, but not necessary. You're missing the look of pure joy on my face. I am pranking someone that I'll never see.

What a fun picture to stumble onto.

Cheers all,
Mr.B

Strike Support!

Last night, Joe and I sat down to watch the first "Daily Show" and "Colbert Report" after the strike. Both hosts made hay of the fact that they didn't have writers. Stewart was more understated. Colbert talked about strikes, unions and striking for nearly the entire episode. And because he's a funny guy and likely has funny non-union guys writing for him, the show was still pretty good.

But there was a palpable doom hanging over both shows. It was like we, the viewing audience and they, the producers of the show have had an awkward, screaming fight in front of people and now we're "not talking about it" by "making jokes about it". It's very passive aggressive. There's a huge white elephant in the room and nobody is really dealing with it.

I think it's a mistake to bring back either show without the writers.

I understand that they needed to produce revenue for the cameramen, the set dressers, etc. But I think that they've completely cut the legs out from under the writers. With a "Daily Show" and "Colbert Report" up and running (in some capacity), the networks have what they want. And by my watching it, I give the network what they want - a viable, working series of comedy shows, completely without writers.

So, I'm swearing off of those shows until the strike is over. I'm not watching either program. I'm pretending that they're both still off the air until they return in the format that I want them to return in. Similarly, I would stop watching "the office" or "rescue me" or "mad men", if those shows tried to go on without writers too.

Writers are intregal to a products success. Without their words and their initial inspiration, you have no piece. Or at best, you have a terrible, inaccesible piece. I can't emphasize the importance of writers to the success of a project, enough.

It just feels wrong to watch a writerless show.

So I don't think that I am going to.

Cheers,
Mr.B

A Radio Lab Article.

I promise that I'll stop talking about this show over and over. I just stumbled onto this article from 2006 and thought it was pretty interesting. It really fleshed out who they are and what they do, more than I already knew.

Here's the article!

Cheers,
Mr.B


Show ‘sweeps’ listeners into
science’s oddest realms
Radio Lab: where Big Ideas become audio art

Originally published in Current, Oct. 23, 2006
By Mike Janssen

Fans of Robert Krulwich might not believe it, but the journalist says his teenaged kids would leave the room uninterested when his reports for ABC News came on TV.

And his wife? “Too often, she looks at me with pity,” he says.

Now a friend nearly half his age is helping Krulwich win over this tough audience with Radio Lab, an hourlong show from NPR and New York’s WNYC that explores big ideas in science in an accessible, even addictive style.

Krulwich, 59, says he called Jad Abumrad, his 33-year-old co-host and Radio Lab’s creator and producer, after his wife first heard the show. “She liked it!” he yelled. And his kids even wanted to hear more.

They can join a growing number of public radio listeners and programmers who are enjoying Krulwich’s knack for interviewing and telling stories in the new setting of Radio Lab. Abumrad, a composer and music buff, crafts each show as a miniature symphony of voices and sound effects in which mind-boggling concepts dance to surprising beats.

Voices interweave and overlap in rapid-fire edits, punctuated with subtle twinges, wobbles and whooshes of sound. A high-school choir imitates singing neurons. Abumrad and Krulwich keep the narrative on track despite momentary digressions that sound truly spontaneous.

The ear-catching techniques illuminate weighty topics: How does a person perceive “self”? How are music and language related? Where do ideas of right and wrong come from?

The show joins This American Life as one of the few in public radio with a distinct sound. At last month’s Public Radio Program Directors’ Conference, Ira Glass of TAL said that upon hearing Radio Lab, he thought, “There’s a new sheriff in town.”

Playing a clip of the show for his audience at PRPD, Glass beamed with the admiration of a love-struck schoolboy. “It’s happy,” he said. “You just feel good about life and this country when you hear it.”

Correcting the joy deficit

Like Glass’s show, Radio Lab is winning awards and a passionate fan base. Last year it received two Golden Reel awards from the National Federation of Community Broadcasters. This week it takes an honor at the Third Coast International Audio Festival in Evanston, Ill.

“The program just moves forward—it almost hurtles forward—and really sweeps the listener away,” says Peter Maerz, programming and operations manager at Miami’s WLRN. “It is really great radio of a kind that has not been heard anywhere else.”

The Miami station will air Radio Lab every weekday afternoon for a week in November. Preempting The World for a week may put off some listeners, Maerz admits. But “my feeling in this case is that they’ll be pleased with what they find in its stead,” he says.

The show began at WNYC four years ago and has moved gradually to a consistent production schedule. It put out five episodes in 2005 and five this year.

Ninety-one stations are airing Radio Lab this season, scheduling it in a variety of ways—one episode a week, five a week, even all five in one day, and combinations of these approaches. Some are also airing its debut season, which WNYC first broadcast in February 2005. NPR began distributing the show last year and contributes Krulwich and other reporters from its Science Desk.

Next year NPR will offer ten episodes divided between spring and fall. Short-run seasons are uncommon in public radio, but they give the producers time to take chances, try out ideas and finesse the show’s trademark sound of layered voices, music and effects.

“The quality of what was being produced was so extraordinary that we wanted to protect it,” says Dean Cappello, WNYC’s chief creative officer and senior v.p. of programming. Stations have been open to carrying the show despite its unusual schedule, he says. “I think the content always trumps any other problem.”

Radio Lab’s producers have developed a set of “core values” for the show, à la PRPD’s wallet-sized card. Abumrad lists a few: Curiosity. Surprise. Joy.

“Public radio has a joy problem,” he says. “We try to have fun and play.”

Another key element, he says, is “finding a person or a character that encapsulates something universal. You learn about them and their story, but you’re also experiencing something big.”

One episode features a man who has lost what is called proprioception—the body’s sense of itself—and, along with it, the ability to control his movements. His description of how he has retrained himself for movement casts light on the connections between mind and body.

Friendship and deep fears

Abumrad created Radio Lab in 2002 after working as a producer for the station’s The Next Big Thing and freelancing for NPR, Studio 360 and On the Media. WNYC recruited him to host a three-hour documentary showcase on its AM station. The Saturday evening timeslot, with its low listenership, allowed Abumrad to experiment.

“I needed that time to suck, frankly, in order to get better,” he says, and with time his segments between the documentaries began to outshine the docs themselves.

The show started to take its present form when Abumrad visited Krulwich, then working at ABC, at his office to record him for a WNYC fundraising spot. In conversation, the two discovered odd parallels between their lives—both had attended Oberlin College and had worked at WBAI, New York’s Pacifica station. And they shared an interest in the scientific discoveries and explorations that would become Radio Lab’s domain.

Their friendship grew over a series of breakfasts at diners near ABC’s headquarters. Curious about his friend’s work, Krulwich listened to a Radio Lab episode about Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds broadcast.

“It wasn’t just good. It was spectacular,” Krulwich says. “What I particularly noticed was that it had a rhythm, a sense of music, that was different from what I expected or had ever heard.”

After that, “I kind of sat in his lap and wouldn’t leave,” Krulwich says.

In November 2003, the duo began experimenting in WNYC’s studios before- and after-hours. For an episode about memory, they created a 10-minute segment that crystallized the show’s mix of interviewing, editing style and partly improvised banter between the co-hosts.

“We reverse-engineered a style of making radio,” Abumrad says.

The chemistry between the co-hosts, an extension of their breakfast chats, remains at Radio Lab’s core. “The rapport between Jad and Robert is so warm and so genuine that I wish I were sitting down with them over a beer, listening, laughing and whiling away the hours,” wrote reviewer Lu Olkowski on the Public Radio Exchange.

“Getting back to that space in an airless booth is an act of theater,” Abumrad says. Their conversations are unscripted but planned and replanned many times, with coaching from the show’s senior producer, Ellen Horne.

Teaming up for Radio Lab has given Abumrad and Krulwich a chance to school each other in the art of radio. It has also pushed them to their limits. Krulwich says the risks he has taken in exploring the show’s prickly ideas have stirred up uncomfortable fears of failing and not being understood.

“I feel like someone is trying to push me naked into a cold pool, so my immediate instinct is to bite him as hard as I can somewhere where he’ll scream, so he’ll run away,” Krulwich says. “The one promise I’ve made to Jad, and I made it early, is that I would confess to him when I was scared and that he would confess to me.”

“Sometimes,” Abumrad says, “it’s nice to look at someone else and know that they’re panicking just like you are.”

The Interview Wrapup.

I had my interview yesterday morning. It was a blast.

Ellen called me around 10am to make sure that I was available and could talk to Jad and Robert. They were in the studio waiting to talk to me. (And just knowing that, that those guys were at their consoles, with their mic's ready to spend a little time with me, was a thrill.) I sequestered myself backstage for one of our theaters and locked the door, which decreased the chances that I would be interrupted by another staff member. Ellen patched the guys through to me and the interview began.

It was a surreal experience. I am so used to hearing Jad and Robert's voices that THAT wasn't a particular shock. But I've never heard them speak directly to me, before and respond to the things that I would say. That was surreal. (Imagine that you are a "Daily Show" fan and you've heard Jon Stewart's voice multiple times and then, without much prelude, he's one the phone with you, interested in talking to you about the singular experience of being you. Part of you would step back and think, "This is different. Is this really happening?")

Jad and Robert were gracious interviewers. They both greeted me warmly and Jad explained to me briefly what they were going to talk to me about. He guided me through the story that I'd written to them a few months ago and I told it to them on the phone. There were these brief periods where Jad would say, "Tell us what the park was like. Can you describe that to us?" and I would and in my mind, I was thinking, "Be descriptive. This is radio. The listener only has your words and the sounds that they lay over them, to experience the place where this event occurred." And because I'm not used to thinking that way, all I could come up with was, "I remember a lot of dogs. It was a sunny day and people were walking their dogs and we were constantly mobbed by dogs." Pity the poor sound engineer who has to sit through CD's of dog sfx to overlay our story and thinks, "Dogs? Seriously man? That's all you've got? Dogs?!?

I knew from talking to Ellen that this was going to be primarily used as a fund-raising tool for the coming year. As you probably know, Public Radio is always under-siege financially. And each individual show does it's best to help with the fund-raising. My story (and the three other shows that centered around the theme of RadioLab in people's everyday lives) were all a part of that project. So, I had no trouble speaking effusively about what I really feel is the actual value of RadioLab for their listeners. At one point, Jad asked me if I wouldn't say something about what RadioLab is worth to me and honestly, I could've done a dissertation on the subject. Beyond it's value as a building block for my relationship with Lisa, it was a educational tool for me. I learned things from RadioLab that I have retained and actually used in my daily life.

These are just some of the things that I've learned from listening to RadioLab...

I've learned about the human effort to understand and quantify time.

I've developed and appreciation for Wagner's "The Ring Cycle."

I've learned about the basic building blocks of memory and how flexible and impermenant memory can be.

I've heard amazing stories about Love being broadcast out into the endless void of space, a person's history recovered from the side of the road and a man who got sick, lost his memory, but held onto his love and appreciation for his wife and for the music that he conducted.

So, I had no trouble talking about what RadioLab meant to me.
And I had no trouble talking about the "value" of RadioLab. Which was a natural seque into what Jad and Robert wanted to talk about. Which was why people should support RadioLab and Public Radio. Jad would take my lead and then go into that discussion and I would hang back and if they circled back to me, I would echo what they were saying, in complete agreement. Because I DO believe in supporting the things that you value.

I made them laugh a few times. And they made me laugh too. We touched upon my own story and the things from my story that anybody would have to deal with (losing a relationship) and we even took a few playful jabs at Ira Glass. (Hopefully, if he ever hears it, he'll enjoy a nice laugh with us. It was all out of love.)

At the end of the interview, they thanked me for my time and my story and I thanked them for such a wonderful experience. I ended the call by telling them that if they EVER were in Chicago, for any reason, that they were to call me or email me and let me know. That I'd like to get dinner with them or take them to a show, introduce them to my own theater or to the comedy-improv scene. I think that they would both appreciate some of the more sublime theater in the city. Shows like "Too Much Light" and "The TJ and Dave Show" and things like that. I would be thrilled if they actually took me up on the offer.

File this away under "Another One Of Those Really Random, Really Wonderful Experiences That I Could Not Have Seen Coming."

Also, Ellen, the really wonderful producer that set this whole thing up, has promised me to burn me a CD of the piece when it's finished and it might possibly be offered as a supplemental podcast to subscribers. Part of me wishes that I was smarter about this and had said nothing about it and then just surprised my few friends who actively listen to RadioLab. I would've enjoyed getting those excited, surprised phone calls of "Holy Crap! We just heard you on RadioLab!!!" That would've been fun.

Oh well, I can't deny you, Electronic Blog. I tell you everything!

Cheers,
Mr.B


Robert and Jad, the two nice guys who interviewed me yesterday.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

I Am To Be Interviewed

Tomorrow morning, between 10 - 11am, I am going to be interviewed by Jad Abumrad and Robert Crulwich, the hosts of the RadioLab podcast, which I've mentioned here before.

I am, as you can imagine, very excited to be talking to them.

I found out about the interview two days ago, when the producer of the show, Ellen, emailed me to ask if I would be interested in being interviewed for the show. She'd held onto an email that I wrote her two or three months ago and she wanted me to talk to me about it.

A month after Lisa and I started dating, I got an email from RadioLab to all mailing list subscribers asking for suggestions for the new season. Subject matters for them to cover, tips on changes that we would like to see happen to the show, etc. The final request was for stories about RadioLab in our actual lives.

I wrote them a short email talking about how Lisa and I met. One of the first days that we spent together, Lisa asked me to burn her a CD of "something to listen to". She wanted something that was important to me. So, I burned her three disks of RadioLab shows. And I gave her specific instructions to go home and turn off the lights and the phone and listen to them.

She did. And when we saw each other again, a few days later, she was really moved by them. She thought that they were smart and interesting and that they really expanded her world view. She was just as impressed by them as I was. Radio Lab became one of the first bricks that we laid in our relationship together.

Later, when she got her Ipod for Christmas, I was sure to load every episode on it for her. I carry around every episode on my ipod too. You never know when you'll need to share them with someone.

Ellen held onto that story and now, months later, she's compiling stories about RadioLab listeners who've used RadioLab in their everyday lives. A teacher who used the "Morality" episode to teach inner city kids about Julius Ceaser. The guy who burned every episode onto CD's for his dad's Christmas presents.

And me.

The guy who burned CDs of it to give to his girlfriend, to tell him something more about himself.

After Ellen explained what she was looking for, I realized that I had to tell her the truth. Lisa and I are not together anymore. It seemed the only thing to do. As much as I would like to be a part of this, I couldn't lie about it in the interview. And I couldn't email Lisa and ask her to pretend that we're still together through the interview process. So, I told Ellen the truth.

As it turns out, that didn't matter, actually. The ironic hook that they're telling a romantic story that doesn't have a happy ending appeals to them, that much more. Ellen assured me that they wouldn't be looking for any dirt on Lisa or me. They weren't interested in the details of the breakup. I didn't want to talk about it. And that turned out to be okay. They want a sweet piece. Nothing painful or cruel. So, I agreed to the interview.

I also gave them an email address for Lisa, so that they could interview her and get her side of the story, if she wanted to be a part of it. I told Ellen that Lisa might not want to be a part of this. And that she should be respectful of Lisa's privacy, if she wants it. (Likewise, if Lisa doesn't participate in this process, I won't use even her first name in my interview at all. I want to respect her privacy too.)

So, that's the gig.

Tomorrow morning, between 10am and 11am, Jad and Robert and Ellen will call me and I'll tell them the short, sweet and sad story about how Radio Lab was a beginning of a sad, sweet relationship, which is now lost.

That's all.

Mr.B

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Get our Sick Emails Shoved In Your Inbox!

The excellent Fuzzy Gerdes has created a Mailing List for my late-night, dirty-balls talk show - "The Sickest F***ing Stories I Ever Heard." You should sign up for it.

You can do so, by selecting the "Mailing List" tab on our regular website, which is located here.

Fuzzy asked me to write the text for the communication with the subscribers. I tried to spice things up in the communication process. It's a little abusive, a little bit dirty, a little bit aggressive. (Lord Help anyone who actually un-subscribes from the list. It's particularly insulting to those people. That's hilarious to me. A petty unsubscription notice that says the mean things that the producers of most shows are thinking when people unsubscribe from their lists. I think that's hilarious.)

Anyways, go sign up for it and check it out. Know that we're going to be very cautious about sending out emails to it. So, you won't get your inbox stuffed with show notices if you subscribe. (I hate it when people do that shit to me. So, I'll be disinclined to do it to others.)

So, go get sick! You'll be glad you did!

Cheers,
Mr.B

Monday, January 07, 2008

What does THIS button do?

Last night, whilst trying to figure out how to add "Peggle" to my new ipod, I pressed the "Sync" button for the first time.

What a terrible fucking mistake...

For those of you who've managed to avoid the "Sync" button, here's what it does...

It DELETES all of the music on your ipod, and "syncs" it up to the music on your computer.

Now, if you've got all of your music on your computer, then that's no problem. Everything is in "sync" and you can just bop right on out of there, ipod fully loaded.

If, however, your computer is an old piece-of-crap, like mine, and you don't have anywhere NEAR enough memory to hold all of your music, AND you've been downloading disks to your computer, transferring them over to the ipod and then deleting the music from your computer for a week... it means that it deletes a fuck-load of music from your ipod and then adds the meager offerings that are actually ON your hard-drive, sending you away with about 1/10th of what you DID have on there.

Also, take note...

If you realize what you've done, panic, and jerk the ipod out of the cradle before it's done, then it does NOTHING BUT delete all of your music, without adding anything, leaving the ipod as pristine as "High School Musical"s female castmates hymen.

Weeks to add music.
An instant to lose it all.

Can you guess what I'll be doing over the next few weeks?

Fuck.



PS. I haven't played "Peggle" yet on my ipod, but it better be a FUCKING blast. To pass the time while I'm re-loading all of this shit back onto my ipod.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

A Brief Movie Update...

The casting agent who called me said, "the other casting agency was thrilled about [your qualifications]. I also took a look at the pictures that you sent in and they're fantastic. They commented positively on that too."

So, I have a meeting on Monday at 11:30am with a casting agency for a major motion picture to read for an actual speaking part. The description of the part that was read to me says that I would have two and a half pages of dialogue and at least one scene with the films star. (We don't speak. We pass by each other when he enters my place of business. And I am there when he leaves and then is shot and killed outside.)

Needless to say, my co-workers are flipping out about this. So am I.

Wow.

One more step closer to this actually happening. And I'm walking into a warm room that's already excited to be working with me. They want me to get the part. That's all very exciting.

Jessica, wherever you are, on your lovely honeymoon, I owe you a very nice dinner when you get back. (Jessica submitted me for this part without my even asking her to do so. Before I ever knew that the part was available. Without any paperwork, resumes or headshots from me, she saw the opportunity and took it. And I am so, so grateful to her for doing so. What an extraordinary gesture of kindness. And a clear cut example of "Rising Water Raises All Boats" in practice.)

More details coming, as I get them. I think it's okay to be excited about this. I am.

Cheers,
Mr.B